I didn't think I would have much time to write a blog this month because of how busy I would be doing stuff, but it looks like I just can't stay away. It actually works out well tonight since I forgot I had laundry in the dryer, and since I have stuff I need to work on for my Ministry Workshop tomorrow.
I decided to write down what was on my mind. I just got back from a Zombie Night Mission in Humans Vs. Zombies. If you don't know what this game is, in a nutshell, it is a big, 24/7 game of tag for five to six days using Nerf blasters and socks.
Sound confusing? Let me explain: Zombies wear bandannas around their heads and Humans wear bandannas around their arms. If a Zombie touches a Human, the Human becomes a Zombie. Humans can defend themselves with Nerf blasters and socks. If they hit a Zombie, the Zombie is "stunned" and is removed from the game for 15 minutes. Humans try to stay alive as long as they can, Zombies try to tag humans to expand the Horde. If a Zombie doesn't tag a human in 48 hours, the Zombie "starves" and is permanently removed from the game. There are other minor details of game rules, but that is pretty much it. We start with three Original Zombies and the Horde grows from there.
I was just recently turned into a Zombie today (an experience I am not particularly fond of). I was not ready to be turned into a Zombie. Normally, you can see it coming: a massive Horde of 50 Zombies running at you, and only ten of you Humans left. So, you look at each other, say your prayers, tell each other how much you love each other, and go out swinging.
Not this time. I will boldly say this: my Human group really screwed up on today's Day Mission and panicked. To make a long story short, I was stuck on the outside of a large group of Humans while the Horde charged, I stunned five Zombies before one tagged me. It wasn't the tag that upset me, it was how it happened. I had one guy to my right who was supposed to watch my back. He did not. He was totally captivated by the battle happening on the other side of the Human group. A Zombie slipped by him and went for me instead of him. Yea me....
At first I was very angry and bitter. Several of my best friends here on campus--including my girlfriend--joined up to form a Squad (while we couldn't decide on a name, we toyed around with the 101st Zombie Airborn, Blood Stain, Brainskrieg, and the Chunky Dunkers--which made no sense, but was funny). We were supposed to stick to each other like glue and watch each other's backs, but in the midst of that Human chaos, we were separated, and two of us died because of it.
I wanted to blame my squad:
Why weren't they there?
Why didn't they have my back?
I wanted to blame my girlfriend:
I thought she was supposed to always be by my side.
Why did she leave me?
I wanted to blame the random guy who I didn't know and let the Zombie go by.
I wanted to blame the Zombie who bypassed No-Looker and went for me.
But that would be stupid and selfish. It wasn't their fault; it was a bunch of stuff happening at once. I'm not self-loathing enough to say that it was my fault (because really it was not). Crap just happens.
I struggled with this for a while, now being a Zombie. To be honest, I am still bitter and angry, but now I struggle with a new issue: pride. While the anger and bitterness is going away, it is being replaced with male ego:
I am pretty good at this game, why did I die?
I shouldn't have died this early.
So, my girlfriend can run around unnoticed, not get tagged, and escape all capture, but I get tagged because some guy was lolly-gagging? How is this fair?!
How can I face my girlfriend now, being a Zombie now and her being Human? When I see her, all I see is how much better she is than I am.
If you are a guy, you know how I'm feeling right now. We have this male ego that makes us think we can take on the world; and if anything crushes that ego, we don't know what to do. We feel angry, helpless, and bitter even towards those who love us and care about us. We feel wronged and weak when we should be the ones being strong and helping out others.
I have to let go to of that ego. It's not easy. It takes someone much stronger than I am to help me with it....
Strangely enough, I found what the Humans were missing in the middle of the Zombie Horde: Community. The Humans were so busy trying to stay alive and look out for Number One that they totally missed what it means to work as a team and just have fun. Sure, the Humans can have fun too, but I wouldn't have died today if the Humans communicated and looked out for each other like the Zombies do.
In the Human groups there were too many Chiefs and not enough Indians. People were yelling at each other, snapping at each other, being very angry and aggressive. The Zombies were so chill and fun, laughing at each other, sharing stories, telling jokes, and then working together for a massive charge on the Humans. When one person talked, everyone shut up and listened. When we ran together, we communicated and had each other's back. It was amazing!
Then it made me think: Is the Church like a Zombie Horde? Do people feel welcome when they enter into the Body of Christ? Do people feel welcome at your own church? When they come in, do people stare at them because they are different? Or do they talk to them, get to know them, and then take them out to lunch?
The Zombie Horde cheered and applauded new Zombies who were just tagged, and they didn't even know them. Many of the people I didn't even know, but I cheered anyway. Are we cheering on the new members of our faith? Are we reaching out to those who need healing, offering an antidote to the poison they carry around in them?
Sometimes, I think the Church should be more like a Zombie Horde.
Following His Call,