Wallpost

Hey everyone!

So here I am again... it is too early in the morning and I have something on my mind. Be ready for another late-night rambling, loaded with emotions and questions with no real answers. Here I go:

I was just on The Facebook (yes, I just called it that), and I saw my friend, Cole (pseudonym), post on the wall of another friend, Ryan (pseudonym), and Ryan commented back just a few minutes later. Whoa... profound, right? I know what you are thinking.... This is so intense! I am so glad you shared that with us, Adam!


Okay, so maybe you were not thinking that at all. In fact, you were probably thinking, Huh? What? Why is this significant? I have no idea what you are even talking about, Adam. Let me give you a little back story to help you understand.

When I first met Ryan, we quickly discovered we had a lot in common and became close friends, even though our age difference was rather large. In a lot of ways, Ryan was like a little brother to me, and he looked up to me in a lot of ways. Having never been appreciated like that before, I did not react well to Ryan giving me so much praise and attention. I had never really been taught how to take a compliment, and for some reason never felt appreciated at home, school, or with my friends (I don't know why; maybe I have a mental block or something). When Ryan started actually liking me for who I am, I ate it up. For what felt like the first time in my life, I felt genuinely loved and appreciated.

Let me clarify before someone reads this and gets all creeped out. When we think of "love" we think of the romantic type of love, and there is a love and appreciation that comes from a woman that a guy needs at some point in his life. That woman most likely becomes his wife and they share a love and appreciation on much deeper level. But for guys, we need to feel loved by other guys too. We need to feel accepted and appreciated as a man in front of other men. Men need to know they  are a part of the pack. I felt like Ryan was the first young man to accept me as part of the pack and look to me as the man God had made me to be. Like I said, he looked up to me and admired me in many ways, as I cared about him and his general well being.

Consequently, because I loved Ryan, I wanted to help Ryan in any way I could. For those of you who know me, I genuinely love everyone and want to help them as much as humanly possible. You will may times find me saying, "Let me know if there is any way I can help you," "Call or text me and let me know if there is anything I can do," "I really do care and want to help, so don't be shy to get a hold of me and tell me what you need," "If there is anything I can do for you, let me know, whether that is money, venting, talking, counseling, etc." You get the picture. I love helping people.

However, many times I come across as over-eager and it creeps some people out. To some it just turns them off and they try to get away . Because I have never been shown how to accept praise and reciprocate love and appreciation, I tend to be pushy and zealous. I get in people's faces. I am nosy. I don't leave them alone. I don't leave enough space. I am always there, always asking, always waiting to help. And that disturbs people--with good reason! Nobody wants to have a person following them everyone wanting to know everything they are doing. As much as people want help, they want to be independent too and have their space.

This is what happened to Ryan (I think, I don't really know because he and I have not talked about this). Ryan thought I was getting too close and felt awkward with my constantly being in his business. He pushed me away, and asked that I not speak to him again for a long time. For six months we didn't say one word to each other. When I would see him at different places, he looked the other direction and ignored my existence.

Suddenly losing all the affection and praise you once had, only to be replaced by rejection and isolation is one of the most difficult things a person can go through. When a daughter yells at her mother, "I HATE YOU! GET OUT OF MY LIFE!" and then storms out, never to talk to her mother again, that hurts the mother on a deep level no body can describe. When a younger brother looks at the older brother he has adored his entire life standing behind bars, he shakes his head, walking away, planing on never seeing him again. The hurt the older brother feels from his younger brother's shame is worse than any punishment the government could inflict on him. There is no pain in the world that can describe the feeling of losing the affection you once held so close to your heart.

I love Ryan as if he was my own brother. Even though Ryan was not family, he was--is--my friend, and I hold certain friends to the same level as family. To see how I pushed too much and invaded his privacy, manipulating him to tell me things he wouldn't tell me before broke my heart. He didn't want to talk to me anymore. That killed me inside. It still does to this day.

Ryan and I have rekindled our relationship... somewhat. I did not initiate this rekindling--he did. I gave him space and backed off. I wanted to never be pushy again. While our relationship is somewhat back, it looks nothing like it did before. I can't really talk to him anymore; we can't have serious talks without him backing away and withdrawing, like I am going to hurt him again. It kills me inside, knowing I inadvertently hurt him so badly by being so intrusive.

When I saw Ryan comment so quickly to Cole's post, it reminded me that Ryan would never reply to my post that fast, if he ever replied at all. This distance between us now--both emotional and physical (since I have moved to college and he to another area)--makes it so easy for him to keep that distance between us. I send him a text once in a blue moon, asking him a simple, innocent question (such as, "What's up?"), and he never replies. He never initiates a text to me either. I would think it is because he is so busy, but when I send him Facebook messages informing him I will be in his area in the near future (not even saying that we should hang out), he never replies back. Yet I know he is online, because I can see him post statuses and comment on other people's wall on my News Feed.

Every time I see one of his comments on someone else's wall, it drives the knife of rejection deeper into my soul. I am reminded with every comment that I screwed up, that I hurt him, that we will never be close friends again, and that I will never be able to fully apologize for what I did. While my unhealthy attachment to Ryan is ancient history, the shame and hurt of what I accidentally did will forever live in me, being amplified with each ignored message and text. When I saw him comment on Cole's wallpost, I winced, because I had just sent him a Facebook message a week before asking  when he would be free in the near future. In essence, he ignored my message, and responded to Cole's.

Have you ever been in a situation like this? Have you been totally rejected? Have you ever unintentionally hurt someone and then never got the chance to make it right? How do you deal with the pain and guilt of making such a mistake? How do you make the relationship right? Can you? How do you tell someone how sorry you are? How can you tell them that it will not happen again when the person doesn't ever want to talk to you? How can you understand what is going on in their head if the person doesn't ever talk to you about it?

These are questions I ask myself. They are not meant to be rhetorical; feel free to answer them if you so desire. I welcome any constructive criticisms or responses. I hope you all have a blessed day.

Following His Call,
Adam
Colossians 3:13

Mediocre

Hey everyone!

I am mediocre at life. What does that mean? Well, keep reading and you will find out!

I have somewhat alluded to this concept somewhat in Curse, but I want to really expand upon it now. This concept I have been developing in my mind for several years now, so bear with me as I try to explain it.

Have you ever played any racing video games? Maybe arcade video games where you have to fight someone? Ever played Mario Kart? (If you haven't go along with me and I will try to explain. If you have, I will be showcasing my nerdiness for a little bit.) In every game where you can pick a different player, they always give you options about what style you can pick. For example, in Mario Kart, you can pick Toad or Yoshi, who have very fast acceleration. Or you can pick Wario or DK, who have very fast top speed. When you pick those players, you have to sacrifice something else in order to get the top whatever you want. To have top acceleration with Yoshi, you have to sacrifice the weight class (meaning turning will be harder and other players can bump into you and spin you out). To have top speed, you can play as Wario, but you have to sacrifice acceleration (so every time you crash, it takes forever for you to get back up to your speed again).

Are any of these better than the other one? No! Absolutely not! It all depends on your playing style. There is no best character in Mario Kart; each character can win depending on who is doing the controlling on the controller. Each player selects the character that most fits their playing style and uses that. That is why there are many options to choose from, because not every person races the same way.

What about Mario? Mario tends to be the all around average character. Mario does not have top speed, top acceleration, or top turning. Mario is just well rounded and is great for pretty much anyone to use when they are beginning.

Many times, I feel like Mario. As I go through life, I feel like there is no one thing I excel at. I don't have "top speed" or "top turning." I am not great at singing (but I can hold a tune if I really focus), I can draw basic drawings if I really concentrate, I don't play many instruments (and those instruments I do know I don't play exceptionally well), I am okay at sports (enough to not lose all the time), I can act enough to play minor roles in plays, I can public speak if needed (but it isn't very eloquent), I can write enough to convey my thoughts (but I am not very poetic in my writing style), and I'm friendly but not really charismatic.

Based on my experience in life through meeting people and talking with them, everyone seems to be good at at least something. Most people tend to excel in one particular area: whether that be the arts, athletics, communication, video games, writing, etc. I don't. There isn't one area I excel at.

For years that annoyed me. I always remembered filling out those questionnaire stuff in school that had questions like, "What are you good at?" I always hated that questions. I had no idea what I was good at. I would start to write, "video games" then I remembered that my friends beat me in them all the time. I started to write, "soccer" but then I remembered I was benched often during games. I started to write, "writing" but then I remembered the teacher's marks from previous years on my papers on where I messed up. I started to write, "drawing" but I remembered my friends mistaking a robot I drew for a cow. For years I had no idea how to answer that question. When trying to find the purpose God had for my life, well meaning Christians would ask, "Well, what are you good at?" And I would think and answer, "I don't know!" Then they would reply, with as much caring and grace as they had, "Oh, come on! Don't be modest! Tell me what you're good at." To which I replied, "No, I really don't know." They would frown in confusion and I would shrug my shoulders, a look of "I'm really sorry?" on my face.

I think the main problem we run into in analyzing this question is our comparisons. It is SO EASY to compare ourselves to other people. I still do it today, and I don't realize it at first. When we look for purpose or look for success, we tend to look at first what the world recognizes as successful and then look to our friends and compare ourselves to them.

First off, the world's perspective is wrong. What the rest of the world will tell you is good and successful is wrong. Money, fame, popularity, and being liked are not things to strive after. Material possessions and praise will only make you feel fulfilled for so long. We need to look to a higher goal if we are to find our real purpose in life.

When we realize that the world doesn't have what we want, we tend to turn to people we are closest to and then we compare our lives to theirs. "My friend Billy is really good at music and he finds so much purpose in singing and playing guitar. Dang... I really wish I could play guitar like Billy..." The thought behind this is, "If I can be good at one thing, then I will be fulfilled."

I bought into this lie for years. It took me until high school to figure this out. I went to a camp one year and God called me to the ministry. If you haven't heard about my call experience, read about it here in Call. I was confused. I didn't know what to believe or think. But it was through that moment that God showed me what my ministry was. I was to literally be "all things to all people." Wherever God wanted me to go, I would go and He would equip me for that task.

I discovered something about myself: God didn't bless me in one area because I wasn't supposed to serve in once area. I was to be available to do whatever is necessary until someone else could step in and do it better. I can relate to a wide variety of people because I dabble in pretty much everything to some degree. I am a gamer, I can play sports, I know music, I can act, etc.

When I took my focus off of comparing myself to other people saying I wasn't really good at anything, I realized that I was just okay at everything. God made me this way for a reason, and I am just beginning to understand it and live it out. I am okay with who I am now and how God made me. I love it!

I am a Mario. I am mediocre. And I'm okay with that!

Following His Call,
Adam
1 Corinthians 9:22

Call

Hey everyone!

I thought I would let you know why I have "Following His Call," at the end of every post. It seems rather hyper-Christian at times. Why don't I just put, "Yours truly?" Why don't I put a signature at the bottom at all? 

Well, for one, I can never spell "truly" right. The autocorrect always fixes it for me. (Thank God for spell check! I would not be a blogger if it was not for spell check! I would be too embarrassed to write for fear I would spell something wrong and then everyone would laugh at me.) 

Secondly, I have had a very radical encounter with God that changed my life forever. Well, actually two encounters, but I will tell you the later. (You can read somewhat about the other one in Holy.)Do you want to hear it? Of course you do! Or you wouldn't be on this blog right now. 

Between my eighth and ninth grade year, we went to a summer camp. The camp emphasized worship: what is worship and how do we do it? It was pretty intense. One night, they had a 3 hour service with music, videos, skits, and a message. After the music played for a while and started to die down, I could see the speaker walking on stage to start to speak (I was in the front row). Rather than starting to pray like he normally did to start off his message, he motioned for the band to keep playing and told the light-guys to keep the lights off. He started to speak: 

"I have to admit, this is probably the weirdest thing I have ever done as a minister. I felt a very strong urge from God telling me that I don't need to speak tonight. So I am not going to. I had this message prepared, but I realized that it is not needed. The Holy Spirit is so present tonight in this room, that if you feel the urge to come forward and accept Christ, come forward."

About a dozen people walked forward (out of about five hundred people present). I sat down; I was overwhelmed by all the people going forward from just the worship. I put my elbows on my knees, cradling my head with my hands, emotionally overwhelmed. I was so joyful, thanking God for this miraculous event. 

After he got counselors for each of those who walked forward and ushered them out of the room to talk to the counselors, he started to address the crowd again:

"And I normally don't do this either, but I really feel God pressing this on my heart, so I will say it: If you feel called to the ministry, go ahead and come on to the front. I won't explain what that is exactly, just know if you are called, come forward."

I was hearing him, but I wasn't really listening. You know what I mean? Have you ever heard someone say something but not really comprehend what they said at the time? I mean, I could hear him enough to remember what he was saying, but at the moment it didn't process.

As I sat there, I felt the urge to walk forward. Having not really listened, I said in my mind, "No, God. I have been saved. Why do I need to go forward?" I felt it again, an urge in my chest and stomach to stand up and walk forward. "Why?" I asked Him again. "I don't understand. I have been saved. I know this. What is up at the front for me?" Finally, it felt like someone gently lifted me off my rear; as if they had placed their hands on my lower back and pushed me up.

I stood up and looked around to see if anyone was behind me. (I was at the end of a row, so I thought someone came down the isle and was pushing the back of my chair where there was a hole, trying to get my attention.) I distinctly remember looking into empty folding seats behind me and being very confused. But once I was up, I walked the very short distance to the front, where several dozen people have gathered. Two of my friends were up there. I stood next to one of them; he put arm around me, tears in his eyes. I started to ask him what was going on, but the speaker continued:

"If you all will follow these gentlemen through those doors back here and divide into different groups by church and sit together, I will be with you in a moment." As we started walking back, he addressed the crowd, "Youth leaders, if you see students from your church heading back there, could you follow them and join their group." 

We entered the back conference room and I found seven other members of my church. When two of our leaders came in, we sat in chairs in the very back. The speaker came in and stood at the front of the room and addressed us again. He spoke about how God had called us to the vocational ministry, meaning we were going to be the next generation of missionaries, pastors, youth pastors, children's pastor, music ministers, etc. He made sure to let us know we were not an elite or different from other people, we were simply called by God for a particular task. He told us to go around the circle now and talk about it; let everyone from our church know what was going on in our heart. Our youth leaders were supposed to guide the conversation and let us talk.

We turned in our group and went around discussing what we experienced. People from my church were like, "God has called me to be a children's minister!" "I feel God has called me to the mission field." "I'm going to be an evangelist!" "I love working with youth, so I think I am to be a youth pastor." "God wants me to be a senior pastor."

And then it gets to me... "I..." I started," I... I don't know why I am here. I don't know what God has called me to... I like working with youth?" That was the hardest thing for me to come to grips with, not knowing what to do. My mentor was in the circle, and for the next few months, he was very patient with me as he helped me to work out my calling. 

My youth pastor was also working with me. He went through a study with us about the calling experience to make sure we weren't acting out of emotion. That was the biggest help for me more than anything else. I definitely didn't want to just act out of emotion. Even though I had no idea what I was going to do in the ministry, I knew I wanted to serve God with all my being. 

The single question that I felt solidify what I was wrestling with inside was this: "Adam, could you see yourself content doing anything else other than being in the ministry?" It took me a while to really think about that, because there were several other things I really wanted to do--like go into film, for instance. However, the more I thought about it, the more I could not get my mind off the ministry concept. I had no idea where I was going or what I was doing, but I honestly couldn't see myself doing anything but serving God. 

It took me several months to understand my calling fully. Finally, after a conversation with my mentor, I think I finally got it. My call isn't to one specific field. As my mentor suggested, "Maybe you already have your answer to the question you have been asking. You have been asking, 'What am I supposed to do, God?' And maybe his response is just that: 'What.'" What he was saying is that my call is "What": I need to be available to do whatever God would have me do wherever he places me. Instead of one ministry, I am called to literally be "all things to all people." Wherever there is a ministry position to be filled, I am there to fill it. I can be anything, and He will equip me for each work. 

The calling experience isn't something that can really be described.... It is like a sixth sense... or a feeling one has. A person can't just decide to be a minister one day. Because if they do, they will leave the ministry in a few years after their first experience. Ministry is hard! You deal with really dumb, thickheaded people who will not yield; you have to extinguish fires between two warring people; you have to listen to people's problems and counsel them, even when sometimes you want to just tell them to get over it; you have to organize a budget and plan for a source of income that totally depends on people's willingness to give; you have to publicly speak every week about topics that could offend people. It's like having twelve different jobs all merged into one. Nobody picks that for themselves.

The best way I can describe the call is that you are constantly thinking about it in some way; you are literally being pulled to it. When I worked as a meat cutter, I found myself naturally counseling, witnessing, and loving on people I worked with. It was like I had my own mini-church in the meat department. No matter what field you are in, if you are called, you will constantly be pulled towards whatever God wants you to do. in that field 

The call is one of the best experiences in the world. You feel like you are fitting exactly in place, like all is right in the world. When financial troubles come your way, you can work through it, because you have this peace that you are in the right place. When people start to accuse you and belittle you, making your question everything you believe, you still pull through (speaking from personal experience here). 

I think it is very important to note that the Calling is not for everyone. And it doesn't mean those called are more special than those who are not. God calls EVERY person to a task; EVERYONE experiences their own call in some way. To some He calls to be teachers; to others, construction workers. He calls some to be accountants or marketers, and others soldiers or farmers. Everyone has their own calling, but for some it is vocational ministry. 

So what have you been called to?

Following His Call,

Adam

Isaiah 6:8

Bloggers

Hey everyone!

Today I was the "Editor's Pick of the Day" on Bloggers. If you don't know what Bloggers is, it basically is a social networking site for people who blog. I noticed one of my friends was on it, so I thought I would join too, to try to get my blog spread around to more people.

While being the "Editor's Pick of the Day" sounds really cool and an honor, there are three people each day that are the "Editor's Pick." I have a feeling these things three are just chosen at random, so I'm not totally blown away about being on the front page of the website and having everyone see my blog. Still, I am totally humbled and grateful that other people are seeing my blog and reading it.

So far, I have noticed I have about fourteen of you all who are dedicated followers. I would hug and kiss you all if I could as a sign of thanks. Well, maybe not the kissing part. I am okay with kissing, but American society dictates that kissing is inappropriate behavior among certain people, so I will refrain. Oh, how that bugs me: our double standards in this nation! But I will save that rant for another blogpost....

I thought I would take this time to thank you all for following me and reading my blog. I can't express enough in words just how much you all mean to me, knowing that you are reading what I say and actually listening. It feels nice to be listened to and not taken out of context. It is nice to vent to people and feel loved and accepted by them. All of you have a very special place in my heart, and I thank you for being patient with me in the good times and bad.

Every comment you write makes me feel appreciated and accepted. All the encouragement thrown my way drives me on, wanting to to more. I hope you all feel blessed by what I write I as i am as blessed by what you write.

I thought I would also give some shout-outs to some of my favorite blogger friends. Besides Jon Acuff (who I follow rather religiously) and Ed Stetzer (who I recently started following), there are a few good friends of mine who have some pretty cool blogs.

My good friend and roommate, Ian Reed, has a blog called Excess Thought. I always enjoy his posts, even though recently dedicated more of his time to vlogging. You should follow him at I Am Slightly Awesome on YouTube. He's a pretty awesome guy.

Susan Horak, another GREAT friend of mine always has some amazingly powerful things to say at her blog, Searching for Susan. She is a sweet young woman--so real and lovable--who, in an attempt to discover herself, shares some helpful insights that impact all of us.

Jon Street and I go way back, and in his blog Word From the Street, he relates real life questions and problems we deal with every day and brings them to us in a new light. I always look forward to hearing his unique perspective, because oftentimes, he portrays something in a way I have never thought before.

The Journey has Just Begun belongs to my college friend and fellow comrade in mischief-making, Tiffany Najbart. Her blog revolves around the random musings in her head and the thoughts she experiences. Her way of writing always calms me down and reminds me to not take life so seriously all the time.

When one of my best friends moved to Alaska, I thought I would never see him again. Yet I still get to follow Kevin Lawson on his blog Kevin in Alaska. I really miss that kid. He writes about his living in America's last true frontier and makes me uber jealous for not being there with him.

Jill Overturf, one of my most favoritest people, talks about her church planting experiences as well as her new life in a new town in her blog Thoughts Above the Canopy. I always enjoy hearing stories from her about her adventures--and sometimes misadventures--of parenting and children's ministry.

My newest friend may be a little zealous, taking on two blogs at the same time. But I know Adam Swensen: he is a world changer and has the charisma to do it. In The Next Generation, he makes a plea for our generation to take a stand and do something in this world; to make a change and impact this world for Christ. He also is writing with two of his other friends in a blog that was just started called Singular Spectrum. I am excited to see how this one turns out. I am really happy at what I have read so far.

Last but certainly not least comes the wonderful blog of Deanna Leiber. As a Medieval History buff (and basically history buff in general) she writes in her blog Annales Historiae about really cool interesting stuff in history you may have never heard before. I always read it and walk away saying, "Huh... I never knew that before. That was really cool!"

I hope you all would support them as well as they support me. Again, I have said this a dozen times, but I love you all and I pray God blesses you very richly! I thank God for you all often. God bless!

Following His Call,
Adam
Philippians 1:3

Meditation

Hey everyone!

Alright, I know Freefall was rather deep and serious, so I thought I would make this post somewhat lighter. But you know me, I can't just write a post without making some serious point. So I will wrap it all up in the end.

The other day we had to do a "Meditation Experiment" in my Hindu class. We sat there, following the professor's instructions as he led us through this exercise.He made sure to let us know that he was not asking us to participate in any religious experience... just an "empirical observational experiment". Right...

We started off by sitting in our chairs, feet flat on the floor, with our eyes closed. Then he asked us to put our hands up by our head, make fists, like we were about to lift weights above our head. He said that we would extend our arms above our heads, open our hands wide and take a huge breath in. After our hands were up, we were to "grab an invisible bar" above our heads and pull it down very quickly and let all our air out of our lungs. We followed his instructions, taking fifteen breaths that way in rapid order while doing Hindu-robics--or whatever he called it.

I couldn't help but envision how funny we all must have looked. I had to take a peek to see what we looked like. As we were pumping our arms up and down and breathing, I peeked one eye open and looked around and almost laughed out loud. We all looked do ridiculous! We honestly looked like some cult. I had to literally bite my lip to not laugh.

After our... exercise?... he told us to rest our hands on our thighs, palms up and just relax, breathing normally, and listen to the thoughts around us. So I did, and the thoughts that kept coming to my head was, "Oh my gosh! What if someone walked in while we were doing that and they just froze at the door and then slowly backed out as if they had just walked in the middle of a funeral?" I kept laughing at the hypothetical look on the imaginary person's face.

We did the exercise two more times after that. Each time it became increasingly difficult to keep myself from laughing. I'm pretty sure my neighbor noticed my exotic noises, but I didn't open my eyes to see if she was looking at me weird. I know, I am immature about these things.

Our instructor warned us afterwards not to do this breathing exercise in excess; that it could draw too much energy into the body and we could overdose by doing it. Yes, he was totally serious. I couldn't help but laugh at that. I learned later that this type of yoga is used for seniors because of its low impact on the body (hence the ridiculous pictures on this post).

After our breathing for the third time, he just had us sit there without moving as he helped direct and focus our thoughts. I really don't know what he said after "relax" because that is exactly where my body went. I'm one of those people who, once their body is in motion it remains in motion, otherwise when I stop I stop. That is why reading is so hard for me: I tend to fall asleep because my body is not moving. Each time I stop moving to rest, my body thinks it is rest-time, so I start to conk out.

So you can imagine what happened when he told me to sit totally still and not move with my eyes closed... Yep, I totally fell asleep. I'm pretty sure that wasn't the point of the exercise, but I did. Thankfully, I realized I had fallen asleep about half way through, because I woke up with a start and opened my eyes to see everyone around the room still eyes closed listening to the professor.

I won't lie that I was tempted in the moment to just scream at the top of my lungs and scare the living daylights out of everyone, including the teacher... but I didn't want and F for the course, so.... yeah....

I closed my eyes again and decided to go into my own meditation world. I started to pay to God. I discovered a new appreciation for meditation. It felt like I was totally alone with God in this empty room with no sound or anything: just me and him. In the quiet space inside my thoughts, I could be totally open and honest and only He would know what was said. I could talk to Him totally freely without distraction or fear of anyone finding out. So I did. I told Him my worries and prayed for my friends in that moment.

I had forgotten how cool meditating on scripture and prayer was. I need to start doing that more often... just not by breathing like a frightened, hyperventilating bank robber. I will try to make time each day to just go into my meditation bubble and talk to God, just me and Him. You should try it sometime too. It's amazing what you will hear when you quiet your mind down enough to where you can actually listen.

Following His Call,
Adam
2 Timothy 2:7

Freefall

Hey everyone!

I thought I would share with you a dream I had last night and the lessons I learned from it.

____________________________________________

I was at a party, for what reason, I don't know. (Does one ever know the purpose of stuff like this in a dream?) At one point, one of my friend's parents asked me to go get something from the convenience store down the street. I agreed and grabbed my keys, heading to the door. After being periodically stopped by random people who wanted to talk to me at the party, I made it out the door to my car.

It was twilight outside, and the house was about a mile away from the store. To get to the house I was at, you had to traverse down a long, dirt road which was about a ten miles long. Before you got to the house (about a quarter mile from the house) was a narrow, but very well constructed bridge that extended across a very deep and very wide ravine. The ravine cut very sharply into the rock and dropped about a two hundred feet. To prevent people from driving off the edge, large, four-foot high concrete dividers lined the sides of the bridge and along the road before getting to the bridge.

I got in the car and started down the road. I was playing my music and just enjoying the fading light of the sun. I crossed the bridge no problem, but as I crossed the bridge, I totally forgot the money to pay for the item. I slowed down, and did a three point turn on the small country road.

Trees and thick brush was on each side of the road, and as I backed up, I heard something grate along the bottom of my car. I winced, but I was already running late. Since the car seemed to be running normal, I continued on. As I straightened the car out and turned back towards the bridge, I sped up to the normal speed limit. Once I reached about 30 mph, the car started to rattle. I pressed the brake, but I didn't feel it working. I pressed harder, and it wasn't responding. I took my eyes from the road for a second to glance down to see if the pedal was broken by my foot. When I glanced back up, I saw my car drifting to the side of the road, to the only gap in the concrete blocks. Apparently, people had moved one of the concrete blocks to hike down the ravine. I tried to swerve the car, but the steering wheel was locked up and wouldn't respond to me. I reached for the emergency brake, but it was already too late.

The car screamed past the barricade and I was airborne, falling two hundred feet to my death.

In the few moments before the car went airborne, I remember being totally alert and awake. I can't say I panicked, because that implies I froze and couldn't move. The opposite happened: I was alert; I was alive. I did everything in my power to fix the situation. I couldn't fix it. So as I flew of the cliff, I remember this single thought: Since I couldn't fix it, I accept my fate. I knew I would die. Yet, this immense peace flooded over me.

Everything slowed down. It was like I was removed from my body--but I wasn't. It was so real. It didn't feel like a dream. I felt like I was literally falling. I wasn't afraid to die; I was ready to go home to my Lord. Honestly. The first thing I prayed was, "God, I'm ready to go home. I just ask you end it quickly. Could you flip the car over so I land on my head and die quickly?"

My thoughts quickly turned to my friends and family. I saw my friend's and family's faces flash through my mind. As I fell, I could literally see them, like they were in front of me. I didn't have any regrets, but I felt like there was unfinished business. I felt there was still more I could do to help them. Above all, one thought was so solid in my mind: I wished I could tell them one final goodbye; I wish I could tell them how much I love them.

So I started praying for them. I asked, "God, could you please let them know just how much I love them? Could you please take care of them and protect them? Guide them through their life and keep them so close to you."

All of this only lasted about ten seconds. At the last moment, the car inverted to where I was face-first with the ground. I leaned forward, ready to take the blow. I closed my eyes and said, "Take me home...."

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I woke up before I hit. I sat up in bed thinking about what happened. I remembered my friends and family. The dream felt so real. I wasn't scared. I wasn't nervous. I didn't wake up in a cold sweat breathing hard. I just woke up.

I knew I hadn't died. I knew it was all a dream. But it still made me think. I thought about my friends and family and what they meant to me. I started to evaluate my own life: have I been the best friend/son/brother/boyfriend/citizen I could ever be? Have I been living like each day was my last?

The mantra of "Live like you are dying" has always been something I have tried to live by. Life is too short to be upset at people all the time. Life is too short to be critical and complain. Life is too short to hold grudges. Live your life. Live for what is right. Live for God. And remember to love. Love conquers all.

Following His Call,
Adam
1 Corinthians 13:13

Reincarnation

Hey everyone!

I had an assignment for my Hinduism class to watch these two short documentaries on reincarnation. It really got me thinking, so I thought I would share it with you. Oh no! I can feel you all taking deep breaths from here, not me mention I can hear you stomachs tying in knots. But let's not freak out; I just want to share some conversation. So before I am crucified, please read this whole thing.

First off, let me state right out that I do not believe in reincarnation. (I could hear that sigh of relief too.) However, the facts presented offer some interesting dilemmas. What facts? Well, if you have the time and really want to see two particularly interesting stories, watch these videos that were assigned for my class and that will give you a good start. If not, then move on to the next paragraph and I will just assume you are giving me the benefit of the doubt saying that there are situations out there that we simply cannot explain.

If you watched the videos, what did you think? Interesting stuff, eh? 

No, I am not going to start off bashing all of this and prove why it is all wrong. My experience working with people tells me that doing stuff like that is pointless and a waste of time and energy. Instead, I thought I would share with you my heart involving these things. 

As a skeptic, every time I hear stories about aliens, ghosts, or anything paranormal, I always chalk it up to psychological states. As a psychology-guy, that's how I work. I'm not being mean, I just believe there are a lot of things that can be explained away through our minds. 

However, this stuff really has me puzzled. I can't seem to rationalize this stuff away; the evidence seems too strong. Most people who experience reincarnation stories have a crisis of faith; what is true anymore? Our Western, Judeo-Christian culture has taught us we have one life and only one. You are born, you live, you die. That's it. "And just as each person is destined to die once and after that comes judgment." (Hebrews 9:27)

I'm not questioning that. I am not saying the Bible is wrong, and I never will. Again, I hit a roadblock where it seems like evidence contradicts Bible. So what do I do? I did the same thing most everyone should do when confronted with this type of situation: I prayed. Here is what God told me:

1) "Adam, what does My Word say?" He reminded me that I needed to get back to His Word more and focus on that and not all of the other crap that waste my time. The sense I got was not: "Adam, you need to get in My Word so you can use it to thump people and prove  them wrong; use My Word to disprove all of this nonsense." That was not the message I got at all. This voice was loving and gentle, as if a Father was coaching me on what I should do next. The message was, in essence, "If you are living your life according to My Word and are applying it to your heart, then you don't have to worry about all of this extra nonsense." That is really what everything else apart from the Gospel of Jesus Christ is: nonsense. I will go as far to say that the rest of the Bible is nonsense if you don't read it through the lens of the cross and resurrection. Yeah... I went there...

2) "Adam, there is so much more going on in this world than you will ever know." No, that was not God saying: "Adam, reincarnation does exist." But it also was not Him saying, " I can't believe those people! Reincarnation is such a stupid idea!" I never pictured God saying that. The feeling I got from this basically was, "Why do you have to know everything, Adam? Why are you arguing over predestination or free-will? Why do you have to know exactly how the world ends? Would it make a difference if you knew every detail of Heaven? Because you can't comprehend it now anyway, so why try? Does knowing all the details of how life works change your salvation?" In the end, it doesn't. There are so many mysteries out there in the world that we will never understand in this life time; and that is okay. The mysteries are what make life fun. 

What we need to do is be open to ideas like reincarnation, but always compare it to the Bible. We should not immediately shoot down ideas that are new to us. We should also not immediately accept everything we hear. God gave us brains to use, so we should use them. God gave us a Bible to guide our lives, and we should use it too. 

It is okay to talk about this kind of thing. We should be educated on different ideas so we can, "in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect." (1 Peter 3:15) What if someone came up to you and asked about reincarnation and why you don't believe in it? If you tell them, "Because the Bible says it's wrong," you just lied because reincarnation is never anywhere in the Bible. Not to mention, if they believed in reincarnation, you just made the Bible their enemy. I'm pretty sure that God doesn't want the Bible to be an enemy to those He loves. 

So what is my answer to reincarnation? What do I personally think of those videos above? I don't know. Is that a cop out? If you want it to be, sure. I know there is something going on there that goes beyond my level of knowledge. Whether it is brain imprinting, genetic memory, psychological encoding, or spiritual warfare. I am not smart enough to say. But I also am not shy to discuss it with people and get their views on it. All I know is the Truth I have been given. So I follow that. 

Remember to guard you hearts, but keep your eyes and ears open. Be educated and learn new things, but always keep the cross at your core. Read the Bible and understand it, apply it to your life. When that happens, then you won't have to worry about these things like we talked about above.

So lets talk about them: What do you think about reincarnation? What did you think of those videos above?

Following His Call,

Adam

Psalm 119:105

Holy

Hey everyone!

I got to write this paper for my Hindu Religions class about "The Holy", so I thought I would share it with you. It is an academic essay, so remember to read it through that perspective, but I figured someone would find it interesting. Enjoy!

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My first experience of the holy came to me at a church camp. We were singing songs in worship after the sermon when all of the sudden I just felt this urge come over me. The pastor’s message was out of Isaiah chapter six and involved the vision Isaiah had of heaven. I believed that primed me for the similar experience I had next.

For some reason I felt overwhelmed, as if there was too much emotion in the room. The music possibly put me in the right mindset for this experience. I closed my eyes, and I suddenly felt so small and so inferior, like space and time literally split in front of me. It felt like I was in a different place. A wave of something… other… hit me. I couldn’t describe the feelings, but it made me fall to my knees and duck my head. I wasn’t fully afraid, but fear was present in my mind. I wasn’t overly euphoric either; I was at peace. A mixture of emotions flooded my mind: respect, contentment, compassion, humility, love; so much emotion made me bow down, my face to the ground.

As I lie there, the vision described in Isaiah chapter six filled my mind. I was in the throne room. The floor was tiled with large, pearly white and solid gold checkered squares. The room was indescribably large, yet at the same time did not feel large. I felt like I could walk over to the large pearly, Corinthian-style pillars that lined the “walls” of the room. For some reason I could not separate the walls from the floor and ceiling because there was no definite distinction between them.

I “looked” ahead and saw a large throne with two square pillars next to it, basins with coals suspended with gold hooks above them. As my eyes looked up the throne—which was simultaneously tall and distant, yet intimately close—seraphim flew around with two wings covering their face, two covering their feet, and two flying. For some reason I could not bring my eyes to the top of the throne, where I knew He—my God—was seated. As I tried to look up more, my eyes were suddenly diverted back down to the ground.

Again, a wave of the “other” feeling hit me. I ducked down once more and started crying out of the raw emotion hitting me. I looked up briefly again to see a majestic purple cloth descending from the throne, sweeping around the floor, as if being blown by some unknown wind.

The room began to shake and what seemed like lightning filled the room. Every time a “bolt” hit me, I was reminded of all the things I did wrong. I was both embarrassed and humbled at the touch of the “bolt. I didn’t want to look up. As I was lying there, suddenly I felt something soft touch my back and a wave of pure peace filled my body. It felt like everything was going to be okay; it felt a form of love that went beyond the physical and relational. This love, to this day, I cannot describe, but it gave me so much peace and security. I looked up to see the purple robe fall off my back and continue sweeping across the room.

The music died down and I slowly came out of the trance I was in. As I climbed to my feet, my mind was confused. Was what I experienced real? Was it a dream, a vision? Was it just my mind reacting to the message and the music? Was that God? To me, it did not matter what just happened. I did not care if people would not believe be or said I just hallucinated. I still vividly remember that vision to this day. The emotions I felt and the vision I saw was real enough for me. It spoke to me on a different level, a level no person had spoken to me ever before. No feeling on this world made me feel better than that experience, even with the feelings of shame and fear mixed in with the positive feelings. This experience forever altered my life; it was my first experience with pure holiness. From that day on, I dedicated myself to Christ and His teachings.

Based on that experience, holiness to me is a beautiful paradox. Paradoxes normally have a negative connotation and evoke confusion and dissonance in a person. However, these paradoxes describe something else entirely. Both sorrow and joy existed at the same time. I felt both anger and calm simultaneously. Parallel and intersecting with these feelings was, as I stated before, this feeling of the “other.” It was not something that I was familiar with, an emotion totally foreign, yet comforting and familiar. Most of the feelings intertwined with the feeling of the “other” I was familiar with, yet the feeling of the “other” was so foreign. The closest thing I can describe the “other” to is the feeling you get when someone is watching you or you feel someone else is in the room. Yet, this feeling was welcoming and lovely.

From my studies of Judeo-Christian culture, Judaism envisions their God as “the Other,” and that description seemed to make sense. The Jewish God was paradoxical: distant, yet intimately close. There was Elohim who created the world with all powerful might and YHWH, who walked in the garden with Adam and Eve. This Other, seemingly contradictory relationship is what I view as holy and consequently relates to my religion.

Holiness is not confined to an object or a person; it cannot be for it is entirely other. Since nothing material can gain sacredness, consequently it cannot lose sacredness. I would connect holiness to a deity, given that I believe in a higher power. Holiness is not something tangible, but an experience. It is not something that can be handled or given, it is something revealed.

Which brings an interesting point: Hebrews 10:10 states that “we have been made holy through the sacrifice of the body of Jesus Christ once for all.” To me, this holiness is not material, but spiritual. Our spiritual bodies have been made right and clean like His in order that we can experience the holy completely. Without Christ’s sacrifice, no one could experience the holy totally. In my personal experience, God reveals himself to certain people, it is not something we can control or experience on our own accord.

All in all, holiness can be described as a spiritual experience, revealed by God, which is indescribably other from the self yet paradoxically encompasses all of the emotions of the human experience. On one hand, the experience felt cannot be described with language and on the other hand, the experience enraptures all human emotions simultaneously: from fear to euphoria, from sorrow to contentment, from worry to compassion. God exposes this feeling to humans through revelation, an experience not achieved from one’s own purposes. Despite what people may say about my own experience, to me it was life-altering enough to where it still impacts my faith today.

__________________________________________

Following His Call, 

Adam

Hebrews 10:10

Childish

Hey everyone!

Its my senior year at college. For those of you who have been here before, you know it is truly a bittersweet time. On the one hand, I am thrilled and excited to be graduating (FINALLY! I mean, seventeen years of school?! I'm ready to be done. At least for a little while...). On the other hand, it is frightening to finally be totally out on your own. The real world is scary. I am just so rudely thrust out there and forced to be a real adult making real money and doing adult-like things. Sheesh!

But I still plan on holding onto my childish nature. I mean, come on, for those of you who know me, you know I am very childish at times. I am a child at heart, that is for sure. Some of you I may annoy to death at how childish and immature I am. Some of you may appreciate my goofiness because I break the tension or remind you to lighten up. There is one thing I do know: Jesus told us, "I tell you the truth, unless you turn from your sins and become like little children, you will never get into the Kingdom of Heaven. So anyone who becomes as humble as this little child is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven." (Matthew 18:3-4 NLT)

At the same time, I am realizing there is a huge difference from "becoming like a child" and "doing childish things." Paul tells us, "When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things." (1 Corinthians 13:11 NLT). I am really realizing more and more what this verse means as I get older and am heading out on my own.

When I was in high school, I thought I was big and bad. I was a "young adult" and in many ways I expected to be treated like one (I know, very arrogant of me). I loved it when people called me "young man" or "sir" or "young adult." It made me feel important and older.

Now that I am in college and have been greatly humbled in many ways (I'm still not done being taught humility yet; God is still teaching me), I see things differently. I have been praying for humility for a long time, and God has been answering faithfully those prayers (however, I also believe we are never done learning humility; I look forward to all of the lessons God will be teaching me in the future). It is amazing how the opposite has occurred now: I prefer to be called "kid" or some other word diminishing my age. I'm not old by any stretch of the imagination (although I frequently make annoying comments like, "Man, I'm getting old."), but I still prefer to be called "kid."

I believe that is what I am--a kid, compared to the majority of the world. I still have so much to learn. People are so much wiser than I am. I don't know it all. I still make huge mistakes. I still screw up. I'm okay with making mistakes. I know I am still growing. In the mean time, I like being called "kid".

But being called "kid" doesn't mean I should still act like one. This is what it all boils down to: like I said before, there is a difference between "becoming like a child" and "doing childish things." It is a difference of thought, heart, and behavior. Our hearts should always be like children's: nonjudgmental, pure, innocent, loving, curious, compassionate, caring, etc.

Conversely, our behavior (for the most part) should be like adults. We should no longer waste hours of time playing with toys on the floor. We should no longer whine and complain when we don't get our way. We should not dress up and play pretend out in the yard by ourselves (because our neighbors will probably think we have finally lost it).

That is not to say we shouldn't have fun. There comes a time when we need to relax and we can revert back to our childhood and have fun. Especially if/when we have kids of our own. We should never lose that child-like wonder and fascination with the world. But we cannot keep those childish things at the expense of our life and jobs. I believe this is what Paul was referring to when he said, "I put away the childish things." There comes a point in our lives when we must grow up.

The battleground is our mind. Our mind is what can possess both the childish and the adult. We can enjoy our childlike wonder and still possess the mind of an adult. This is what Jesus was saying when He said, "become like little children." I am still learning this as I am getting older and venturing our into the real world.

I think I can best summarize my thoughts with an example of a girl named Laura:

Laura was homeschooled and raised by two loving Christian parents who always did what they thought was best for their daughter. While her life was far from perfect and their family never had much money, she always had everything she needed.

During her childhood, she would sit in front of the TV and watch hours of cartoons, inserting herself into the plots and stories of the shows she would watch. She also read religiously, inserting herself into the books she read and visualizing herself within those stories.

Laura was so creative, and thus created stories of her own. She would depict these stories to her friends in vivid detail and describe the stories for hours. Laura became great at verbalizing the intricate plot and images she saw in her head. It was no surprised when Laura confessed in high school that she wanted to be an author.

College came about, and Laura was blessed enough to receive a full ride. While at college, her creativity exploded, but sadly, her work ethic did not. She would sit or stand for hours, staring off into space, creating dozens of stories in her mind. Laura would
then call her friends and describe to them those stories. She would also go online and find new songs, movies, and television shows to watch to inspire her further. Venturing out from animation, she fell in love with science fiction television shows as well as superhero shows. Laura even involved herself in a role-playing game club to expand her characters and grab new ideas.

All this time, she would only occasionally write down her thoughts onto paper. With all her brilliant ideas, she never finished one book. Every time she would work on one book, she would get bored with it and jump onto another idea. Eventually, she decided that she would start small, and finish a short story first before she tackled any larger projects.

Summer rolled around after her junior year and she told herself the goal for that summer was to write a short story she had developed the past school year. Her mother offered to help her get a job, but she never took the time or effort to get a job that summer. Summer moved by very quickly, and when the time came for school to start, Laura had not written a single page. What had she done all summer? She watched movies, television shows, and listened to music. Laura would go on walks and just admire nature, creating even more ideas in her head. She thought about everything, analyzing it until it could not be analyzed any more. But she never did any work. All of it stayed locked up in her head.

Now Laura is a senior in college and in a few short months she will be released into the real world with no work experience, no job, and nothing but her creativity to fuel her. Sadly, Laura is still living in a dream world--the world of a child, full of imagination and creativity. While these are noble qualities, they have interfered with her ability to function sufficiently in the real world. When Laura hits graduation in May, she is going to be in a world of shock.

I can relate to Laura in so many ways (in fact, part of that narration I pulled directly from my personality). Laura needs to learn to hold onto her child-like creativity, wonder, and imagination while still learning to put away the childish things in order to become an adult and function in the real world.

The real world is scary, but also so wonderful. I have always seen it as the adventure: the Great Unknown, the Wild West, or "Space: the Final Frontier." I try to look optimistically at the future and look forward to what God has in store. Pray for me as I step forward and God directs me what to do next.

So what about you? Have you ever felt this way? Do you have a story about entering the real world?

Following His Call,
Adam
1 Corinthians 13:11

Restart

Hey everyone!

For those of you who are still with me, thank you for muscling through the past few months. They have been rough for me as I have been traveling. I haven't been able to post as much as I wanted exactly when I wanted, but I still managed. I promise to get back to the basics here once again very soon.

For those of you who are regular readers and followers of my blog, I want to apologize to you. My blog has not been fulfilling what its original purpose was as I outlined in my first blogpost. One of my mentors has brought to my attention how the past summer's posts on my travels haven't all been as straight to the point as my other posts have been. For that, I am sorry.

However, I hope that my travel journals have allowed you to learn more about me and who I am as a person. I hope you laughed, cried, and felt the frustration I felt along the trip. Consequently, I hope you learned something too. I know I learned a lot on the trip.

I'm just giving you a heads up: I plan on posting a whole bunch more in the next few weeks, and I hope you all look forward to it like I am. I plan on getting back to the original purpose of this blog. With my mistakes behind me, I'm not looking back. Let's trudge on ahead together and live this life like Jesus wanted us to life it!

Following His Call,
Adam
Philippians 3:13-14

Day 32

Day 32: Shepherd’s Field, Herodian, Hebron, Tombs of the Patriarch

Hey everyone!

Today was our final day of touring. It was a bittersweet moment, because part of me wanted to soak it all up because it was our last day and make the most of it. The other half of me was saying, “Really? One more day? I can’t wait for this to be over. I have had five weeks of this already and I am ready to go home.” But in the end, the day turned out alright.

The day started out weird, with us waiting a half hour to make our bus arrangements for tomorrow. Miscommunication and confusion prevented us from solving it very quickly. We finally made it on the bus and departed for the fields. Our tour guide, while very nice and well meaning, was a devout Christian and gave us the stereotypical Christian tour, talking about how these were the actual fields the shepherds were in and these caves were exactly the caves the shepherds stayed in during Jesus’ time.

He tried to give us four “proofs”, but they just turned out to be (1) this land is Judah, (2) Jesus was here, (3) the Bible says so, and (4) tradition dictates this land is the land…. I am sorry, sir, but I don’t that word (“proof”) means what you think it means….

We went to the Herodian where we found out that our tickets have expired, so we couldn’t get in. It was a small oversight on the behalf of our ticket holder, which frustrated us greatly.

Later that afternoon, we tried to get into the Russian Orthodox Church and they locked us out, saying this place was a place of prayer and not a museum, and slammed the door in our faces. That really urked me. What kind of signal does that send people who are not Christians, slamming the door in their faces and not letting them into the church? I just wonder what Jesus would have done….

Despite these setbacks, we had a good day. We still visited Hebron and saw the tomb of the Patriarchs—the traditional site of the burial of Abraham, Isaac, Sarah, Leah, and Rebecca. The place was divided in half, half mosque, half synagogue. The Jews would not let us in on their side, but the Muslims let us in to see. It was interesting to see how both of these faiths, while so divided, still shared the same ancestry.

Afterwards we toured Hebron and shopped a bit in the local markets. We found out that Jewish settlers had come into Hebron in the 90’s and took over many sections of the land. Hebron is now a hot spot because of one specific event that will always live in the minds of the people here.

In the late 90’s, one Jewish doctor settled in Hebron to try to make a living. After living there a while, he was fed up with all the Muslims living in the area, so he marched into the mosque that housed half of the tombs of the patriarchs and opened fire, killing around 20 people and injuring 80 more before the crowd swarmed him and killed him.

Immediately, the Israelis responded and set up defenses to keep their people safe before there were any repercussions. There were none, but the man who did the killing now has a tomb set up that is protected by the Israelis; it is like a shrine to the Jews here.

A few years later, the second Intifada broke out, and it was very nasty in this area. Many people died. It set back the community for a few years. In the aftermath, Israel set up certain streets to protect their citizens, making “sanitary streets” that the Palestinians are not allowed to walk on, only the Jews can walk on. Consequently, some Palestinians cannot leave the front doors of their homes because they are on the street. They are forced to climb down a ladder out their back window to exit their house every day.

Continuing our walk, we stumbled into a market with huge tarps spread across all over. Our guide asked us what we thought the tarps were for. We answered, “Shade,” but he corrected us by telling us to look ontop of the tarps and seeing what is on top of them. Upon closer inspection, we saw large piles of trash piled up on top of the tarps. Our guide went onto explain that Jews have settled into many of the apartments in the area. Instead of depositing their trash like everyone else does, they feel it is their right to toss the trash out of the window onto the street below. The Palestinians walking by would get heaps of trash dumped on them daily, and because they are unable to do anything in retaliation, they erected the tarps to keep their merchandise and themselves safe.

These are the conditions people live in over there. All of the things I have told you I did not make up. These are real events dealing with real people. I cannot be the judge for you to make a decision on who to support or what to believe; I leave that decision to you. I will just tell the facts like I see it from here on out. If you want my personal opinion, feel free to ask, and I will calmly explain it to you. Until then, I wish you the best and pray that God blesses you richly.

Following His Call,

Adam
Romans 1:14

Day 31

Day 31: International Center, Health and Wellness Center, Star Street, Church of the Nativity, Palestinian/Swedish Concert, Refugee Camp

Hey everyone!

Woke up this morning early to pack and get ready to depart for Bethlehem. As we were leaving, we passed a bunch of police with barricades set up at the entrance of the Lion’s Gate. Immediately I thought, “Okay… did I miss something?”

As it turns out, yesterday was Dome of the Rock day (or maybe today is, I don’t know). Either way, there were a TON of fireworks going off last night all over the city. Considering we are only two blocks away from the Dome of the Rock, and we were right in the middle of the Moslem Corridor, we got to see all the action.

Apparently in response to the Dome of the Rock day and all the fireworks going off, a bunch of Orthodox Jews decided to march and parade around the city at night in honor of rebuilding the Third Temple. (If you don’t know history, the Dome of the Rock is sitting right where the Temple should be.) Obviously, you can see where conflict starts.

Thankfully, there were no confrontations, nothing really happened, but the police were still on guard today just in case. It’s just your average day in Jerusalem.

We just got back from a Swedish and Palestinian concert, which was pretty intense. Today was very eye opening into Palestinian life. We got to see first hand the effects of Israeli oppression on the Palestinian people. Here are a list of some actual things Israel has done or is doing to Palestine:

-          Since Israel owns the water, they only allow a certain amount of water into Palestine and charge an ungodly amount for it. One lady said she has gone without water at her house for twenty days now this summer because they simply shut off her water.

-          In the 90’s, Israel banned books from Palestine and would perform police searches each night to make sure they didn’t have any books in their houses. One man said he had to hide a book under the dirt outside his house each day so they wouldn’t take his book.

-          Certain books are banned from Palestine all together and any Palestinian entering the country with the book has it immediately confiscated.

-         One seventy year old lady was stripped searched at the airport because she was Palestinian.

-          Israelis are forbidden from entering Palestinian cities.

-          Israel spent $3.3 billion to build a wall around Bethlehem to divide Jerusalem and Bethlehem to keep the Palestinians out.

-          Not only do Palestinians have to pay taxes to Palestine to keep it functioning, but because they are currently occupied by Israel, they have to pay taxes to Israel, which happen to be more than twice as much as Palestine.

-          Israeli settlers regularly take land under the justification of “it is not being used by you, so it is ours”.

-          Refugee Camps have been set up for fleeing refugees from Jerusalem and surrounding areas who have had their land suddenly taken from them by Israelis

-          Many more Palestinians have been forced into ghettos by the Israelis

-          In the 1940’s, 70% of the population was Christian in Palestine. Because of the oppression by Israel, the current percentage of Christians is 1.2%. Most of them have fled to Europe and America.

Yet despite all of these setbacks, Palestine still survives. In many ways, it thrives. One of our guides today talked about how she refuses to have the victim mindset, but chooses to believe that God wants them to live an abundant life with what they have. Instead of being defeated and depressed by all the oppression all the time, they try to look on the positive and give hope for the future.

That is why they have built a community center and health center for the people, both non-profit. The International Center, as they call it, brings in people from all over the world to each people arts and skills they can use to make a living. It is a college for them here. Tonight, we saw some Swedes and Palestinians perform. The Swedes have been coming in and giving some music lessons to the Palestinians and then been holding jam sessions all week.

Similarly, the people here have built a health center to help with the social and psychological health of the people. Palestinians have enough hospitals. In fact, they have more hospitals here than they do in New York (while they may not be the same quality, they have more than New York, New York). What they needed was a health center so people could burn off the stress they are feeling from the oppression of Israel.

At the center, they offer Yoga, swimming lessons, work out programs, and psychological counseling. All at a VERY low cost. The idea is that people here can just get away and learn healthy habits that will help them in the long run so they are less stressed overall.

What was amazing tonight was seeing how these people release their stress through music. Several songs tonight dealt with the Palestinian-Israeli problem. These songs were not hateful (I could tell because a few of them were in English). They just expressed their turmoil and discomfort with the situation at hand. I mean, if someone came into your land and kicked you off of it you would be upset too.

All I know is that this place is really changing me. In a good way. I am learning more about how the world works and how to better associate with people of all nations. I am learning how to deal with tough problems like this and how to fix them. I am not saying I have a solution, but at least  I am informed now and understand the much bigger picture. I just hope I can convey that picture to everyone else.

Following His Call,

Adam

Philippians 2:12

Day 30

Day 30: Hezekiah’s Tunnel, Western Wall Tunnels

Hey everyone!

Today, we spent more time under the city than on top of it, which was really cool for a change. First, we went to Hezekiah’s Tunnel and then to the Western Wall’s Historical Tunnels. I knew that Jerusalem was an old city, but I never realized how much of it was just built on top of itself over and over again.

You couldn’t really see this in Hezekiah’s Tunnel. It was just a narrow underground cave that connected a spring from outside of the city to inside the city. Because Jerusalem was under siege at the time of Hezekiah, they built this tunnel so the enemy could not block up their water supply to drive them out of the city.

How they built the tunnel was fascinating. They started on both ends to try to finish the tunnel faster. They would drive rods into the ground and beat them with a hammer to make vibrations, to which the people on the other side of the tunnel could hear and start to dig towards the noise. Until eventually the two tunnels met up. It was pretty cool to walk through ankle deep water all the way from outside of the city to inside the city.

While Hezekiah’s Tunnel only covered one era of time, the Western Walls Historic Tunnels covered pretty much all of them. We entered underground and the first thing we noticed was that there were two bridges, built at two different times, right next to each other. Yet, under these bridges were cisterns, rooms, and bathhouses, indicating that the bridges were used for so much more. Or maybe they were not and the bridges were built on top of the bath houses.

To make things more confusing, when the Crusaders came in, they discovered these tunnels and made small churches and hiding rooms in there. We had Herodian, Greek, Roman, Crusader, and Ottoman eras all in about a block from each other.

If that wasn’t confusing enough, there were two major archeologists who were excavating the tunnels (which could easily still be excavated for the next hundred years, the area is so massive) who disagreed on some major things. The leading archeologist (the one who started digging in the tunnels) was the one who gave us the tour and his theories. He kept telling us that where he believed this thing, the other archeologist (that replaced him) would argue with him and say this other thing. For example, they argued over one bride, whether it was constructed by Muslims or Romans. The leading archeologist thought the Muslims constructed it because it matches with the time and architecture of the region. If it was Muslim, then that means the Muslims thought the temple mount (which the bridge led to) was a holy place and needed access to it.

Theories like these led to him being replaced by another archeologist that was more favorable to the Israeli belief system. The temple mount could not be holy to the Muslems, only the Jews, so the state of Israel brought in another archeologist that was more sympathetic to their cause and said the bridge was Roman, even though they have very little evidence to suggest it was Roman.

Anyway, you can see how involved the Israeli government is with everything over here and how much of control they have over everything—even archeology, which is supposed to be a scientific endeavor. Even with the conflict and confusion, I still had a blast.

Following His Call,

Adam

2 Kings 20:20