Statistics

Hey everyone!

This is actually my second attempt to write this particular blogpost. This blog came to me as I was preparing for bed around 2AM a few mornings ago. Feeling compelled to write, I sat down at my computer, trying to access the internet to get my thoughts down before they left me. As soon as I sat down and clicked on the Chrome icon, the computer program I use to keep my eyes and thoughts safe (K-9 Web Protection) decided it was going to wig-out. No matter how many times I tried to fix the problem, K-9 would not respond, leaving me frustrated and angry. Eventually giving up, I headed to bed miffed.

After a busy weekend, I am finally able to sit down and compose. I thought through everything that has happened, mostly concerning this blog. I personally do not feel I am a great blogger or have any amazing insights to share, but I do enjoy verbalizing my thoughts and conversing with people in order to generate thoughts and discussions.

I've really been thinking of the direction I should take this blog, or if I should even continue to keep it up. For a while, Satan had been pestering me about the actual audience of my blog. On the one hand, I really don't know who reads the blog, or if anyone cares; I can only go off the statistics that Google gives me. Using my own deduction, with my least viewed blog clocking in at a massive 16 page-views, I feel I can say I have at least 16 people who follow my blog regularly. While I am flattered that anyone reads my blog, 16 just doesn't seem like much to me.

Conversely, I look at the blog post that had the most views: raking in at over 300 page-views as of now. The next largest viewed post only clocks in at 63 page-views. I start to wonder why the heck did this blog post become so popular? I then look at the demographics of who is viewing my blog, and the majority of those viewing that particular blog post are in India. I begin to wonder: Are these people legitimately reading this blog and enjoying it or are they reading it to make fun of it, much like "Friday" by Rebecca Black? I start to get worried about dumb things like this. It doesn't help that Satan keeps reminding me of my own inadequacies.

As I sat back and thought about it, I wondered if it was even worth it to keep blogging. Why was I blogging? What is the point of my blog? Do I blog to be heard? Do I blog to make a stand against something? Do I blog to just throw myself out into the world and hope people like me? Do I blog for selfish reasons so I would feel better about myself? Is it arrogance that guides my blog because I think I have all the answers?

After much thought, and after reading some of John Acuff's blogs (like "The #1 reason blogs die. (And how to make sure your blog doesn’t.)" and especially "Why your web traffic might not matter.") I had to say that the honest answer to all those questions are "No". So why do I blog?

I found that I started this to bring glory to God. Honestly. This is why I called it EDGE-X. God gave me this name and I am using this blog to praise Him. If it blesses people along the way, great! But my ultimate goal is not to please people; it is not about the statistics. Who cares if my blogs get 16 page-views or 300 page-views? Why does that matter?

Ultimately, the statistics can be harmful as well as helpful. They can help me to see what topics are popular and what people like and don't like. The statistics also encourage me when I see people from other countries reading them, people I may never meet this side of life. Yet I also become addicted to the statistics: How many page-views does this one have? How can I increase this one's page-views? Should I advertise it more? Should I talk up my blog so people will want to visit it more? Oh no, people didn't like this one as much so should I just delete it? I even went as far to read other people's blogs on how to increase the number of views on your blog site.

How stupid and selfish of me! Since when I become obsessed with what people think of me? I went back and looked at my very first post (EDGE-X) to remind me of why I started this. Man.... I'm glad God got a hold of me and talked me through this. I'm glad He aligned me back on course. Thanks God. You're awesome. :)

I guess my only questions for you today is: What in your life are you using to seek approval of others? Where do your "statistics" lie?

Following His Call,
Adam

(1 Corinthians 10:31)

Change

Hey everyone!

It's 1:00AM and I'm in a contemplative mood for some reason. So much has happened in my life in such a short amount of time, I just can't help but notice all the change going on. Not just in me, but in everyone around me as well.

Recently, I have gone through some major changes. I can't really pin-point them down, but I have noticed a major change in myself. I am working harder, taking on more responsibilities, and actually finishing things where I would've rushed through before and missed out. I am working ahead on projects--where did that come from?! I just feel I am more.... me, I guess.

People in my immediate surroundings also seem to be going through some changes. Since the beginning of January when I first arrived back at school, it seemed like there was so much drama and depression hanging in the air. I was suffering with it too... it was almost like a veil had fallen around me and on the people I was around. Recently, everything seems to have been getting so much better. It seems the problems that were there before are now becoming easier to handle. Yes, the problems are still there, but there seems to be hope now where hope was absent before.

The change does not stop in my immediate surroundings. I was Facebook Stalki--I mean "People Profiling" old friends on Facebook and I couldn't help but notice how much people have changed over the years I haven't seen them. Some people have gotten married. Some people now have kids. Some of my friend's children have grown up so much I hardly recognize them. Some people are in places I would have never in a million years expected them to be (both good and bad). Some people are doing things I would have never imagined they would do (both good and bad). Some people have changed so much I hardly recognize them--either by appearance, the phrases or stati they put on their Facebook, or the friends they now hang out with.

Changes can be good or changes can be bad. I love change; I love new things. I purposely try to do new things to expand my experiences in life. In the past few weeks, I have really seen how changes can be both good and bad.

Last week was our school's Midterm Break, so I had the privileged of heading home to visit my family and friends for a week. On the Sunday before I headed back to school, I visited my home church and, boy, was I glad I did! Not only did I have fun in Sunday School, but the worship was amazing and the message was awesome! The best part about the service was watching my "lil bro" play in the worship band. (During high school, I had a small group of 6th grade guys who I discipled in several ministries. Some of these guys would see me three or four days a week due to our involvement in different ministries, so basically, I got to know these young men REALLY well.) Seeing this "kid" (who is now taller than me and most likely stronger than me) standing up on the worship stage playing the electric guitar was so.... surreal. To see a young, rambunctious 6th grader (who didn't listen to a word I would say half the time) transform into a powerful, lead-guitarist who is using his God-given talents to lead worship and praise God literally brought tears to my eyes.

As I stood there crying, I saw a vision: a vision of God using my "lil bros"; changing their lives and making immature, crazy kids into strong, powerful leaders that would lead the next generation to Christ. Seeing my bro up there was so powerful and so moving I couldn't hold it in. I'm getting goosebumps right now just remembering it. My "lil bro" is an example of good, positive change: willing to step aside and let God do the work in him.

I've also been involved in some major changes at the church I was previously attending, as they are looking for a new pastor (not my home church, but the church I attended up here while I was in college). Many of these changes are not so good. Some people have left the church and I am caught in the middle. I am still serving on select Sundays, but I really no longer attend the church. I am stuck in limbo right now.

People in this church want change, but they are afraid to do it. I've found most people are afraid of change. People can be afraid of change for several reasons: fear of the unknown, fear of having to do something they are uncomfortable with, fear of doing something they don't want to do, fear of what other people think if they do something, fear of making mistakes, and the list goes on.

So what are people's default reaction to change? They fight it. Or, if they want change, they want change to happen their way on their terms. Some people may say they want change, but when it really boils down to it, they have only deceived themselves into believing they want change when they really don't.

This is the problem of the church I was attending. Many of them say they want change but don't mean it. Others want change but want it done their way. Others are scared of any change and want to keep things the way they are. Thus, I am at a standstill, stuck in the middle of it all, trying to make sense of what to do.

I think we need to realize change is a good thing.We fight change for several reasons, but honestly it all boils down to one thing: we are not trusting God when we fight change. We want to hold onto our lives so tightly that we won't let go and let Him have His way most of the time. Jesus wants us to live a life of faith Are you preventing Him from moving in your life?

Not only do we need to realize change is a good thing, but we also need to know too much change to fast can be a bad thing. There is a difference between change that comes from God and change that is initiated by man. God's change lines up with the Bible and many times deals with things we are uncomfortable doing. Yet, in the midst of the changing, Jesus provides stability in our lives because we need some stability in life. We need some routine every once in a while. Too much change can harm us because we have nothing to anchor ourselves to. Are you doing so much that you are missing out on God's plan for your life?

These are big things I've been thinking about at one in the morning. Just remember that change can be a very good thing, but too much of a good thing can be bad. It's time we worked a balance into our life and start to let God lead.  Don't fear change; embrace it, knowing God is in control. Let God be the change in your life so you can be the change for others.

Following His Call,
Adam
(Hebrews 13:8)

Soldier

Hey everyone!

Honestly, I've always seen myself as the young, arrogant, spunky kid you see in medieval movies who wants to be a knight. The kid follows the knights around all the time, getting stuff for them, trying to help out as much as he can. Then the time comes when the knight is struck down, and the boy is thrust into a position of responsibility with no idea what to do. He goes out onto the battlefield with armor too big for him, with a sword that is too heavy, and a shield he can barely lift. He has no combat experience, nothing but his passion and his brain to guide him.

Yet the boy fights. He gets knocked down frequently, but always manages to get back up. He swings his broadsword, trying to hit his enemies but instead accidentally hits his own fellow knights. After being knocked down for what seems like the thousandth time, the boy feels like giving up. He lies there in the mud, choking back tears, feeling that he let down his mentor.

In the midst of the battle, a man approaches dressed in all white, hand extended towards the boy. The boy looks up, tears in his eyes, as he stares at his mentor, the person he has devoted his life to serve. He feels so small, so upset, so unworthy of his mentor's attention. Climbing to his knees, the boy looks away from his Master, too ashamed to look up; he feels he has disappointed the one person he was trying to impress. The King bends down and gently picks up the boy, placing the sword back into the boy's hand. Bending down, the King whispers into the boys ear, "Keep going! Keep fighting the good fight! You are doing well!" Even though the boy feels horrible and keeps making mistakes, it is his passion that keeps him going; he wants to make his mentor proud! So he tries his hardest, does his best, he keeps fighting.

Oh, how I feel like that kid every day! I don't know what I am doing half the time, and I mess up on most things. Yet, I try my best. I don't always accurately represent God. In fact, most of the time I don't give an accurate view of who Jesus is. I am learning. I am growing. I am trying to find out really who I am and what is this life all about. I'm trying to find how God relates into all this. I'm trying to figure out how to interact with people, how to make friends and be a good friend. I'm trying to find out what I believe, working out different holes in my life. So I'm asking you to forgive me when I fail. Forgive me when I say the wrong thing. Forgive me when I go overboard talking about certain things. Forgive me when I am arrogant and prideful. I am trying my best, and stumbling the whole way. I'm still growing, I'm still learning. I just want to make Daddy proud.

Following His Call,
Adam
(2 Timothy 2:3)

Fred

Hey everyone!

Two years ago, on this day (it was Sunday, March 8), I was heading back home for Spring Break when I got a phone call from my roommate. He asked what the name of the church I went to as a child. After telling him "First Baptist of Maryville, Illinois," he told me that the pastor had been shot at the pulpit that morning. I didn't believe it, but I thanked him and hung up. I thought it was some mixed up story; that someone got it wrong. As tears welled up in my eyes, I called my mother to confirm it. When my mother answered the phone in a shaky voice, I knew she didn't have to say anything. I asked anyway, hoping that I was wrong. She confirmed the story and said that her sisters had called her to let her know. My dad was also watching the news and confirmed everything.

As I hung up the phone, I lost it. I broke down. I had only cried this hard a few times in my life. I almost pulled over on the side of the road, but my only thought was to get home. Looking back on the situation, I should have pulled over, because I was in no condition to drive. Thank God that I made it home in one piece. I cried for the next half hour in the car as I remembered everything about Fred: his smile, his laugh, his charm, his joy, his overly happy personality, his passion, his go-getter attitude, his sermons, his prayers, his jokes--everything. When I finally composed myself, I called one of my ministry leaders at my campus ministry (because I was supposed to go on a mission trip with them) to tell them I couldn't go on the trip. For the next few hours on the drive back, I just sat in silence, letting my memories overtake my mind.

The first few days of break, I didn't really talk to anyone; I just sat in my room and played video games for hours (something I rarely do at all). The whole time I kept in prayer, and thought of all the great things that Fred had done.

Fred was my first example of what a godly man should be. When I was seven years old, he led me to Christ and baptized me. I can still remember the day....

"Adam, have you accepted Jesus Christ into your heart as your personal Savior and Lord?"
"Yes."
"Then I baptize you in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Buried with Christ in Baptism; raised again to walk with the Lord."

He was my beacon, my icon. Fred was my man to look to when I was confused, didn't know what to do, or was lost and needed help. Fred was always there for me. He always took time out of his day to pray for me, help me out, answer my questions. The man was a saint. He was a true warrior for God.

When I moved to Waynesville and was called to the ministry, I had the opportunity to deliver my first sermon. We called Fred to let Him know, and although we hadn't spoken to him in years, he still remembered everything about us. He prayed for me over the phone and wished me well. He even remembered my dad (who was not saved when we left Maryville) and said he had been praying for my dad's salvation for some time now. He rejoiced with us when we told him my dad had come to Christ.

Years later I went back to Maryville to visit FBC and see how things were doing. The next year, I was going up to Truman and I wanted to say good bye before I left. I went to talk with Fred, and he still remembered everything about my family and me. He started naming some of my extended family as well (some of whom even I don't know very well). Fred then offered me a summer internship job at the church. I was blown away. Afterwards, we prayed, and I went on my way. That was the last conversation I had with him. I did, however, continued listening to his podcasts online and his sermon series.

I have experienced death before. Both of my mother's parents and her only surviving grandmother have passed on in my lifetime. When I heard the news about Fred, it was different. I felt like part of me was gone; like a section of me was ripped out. I lost part of myself when my grandparents passed, but this was different. This part went down into my spirit. Fred was my spiritual guide. It was tough to have him suddenly taken from me.

Another reason it was different was because of the methods of their departure. My grandfather had been battling cancer for years before it finally took him. My grandmother suffered with Alzheimer's Disease for five years before she too departed. For both of my grandparents, I had advance warning of their departure. I had prepared myself for it. So when the moment came, it came as more of a relief than intense sadness. I knew where both of my grandparents were going, so when they passed on, I felt relieved knowing that they were no longer in pain; no longer suffering from the illnesses that tormented them.

Fred's death was different: he was murdered. Fred's life was brutally cut short by one man's inconsiderate act. Fred was a loving husband, an excellent father, a powerful leader, a courageous pastor, a good friend, a helpful colleague, a true servant, and a minister to everyone. He was taken from his wife Cindy, two daughters Alysa and Cassidy, his mother, grandfather, five brothers, one sister, and his entire congregation. To me, it felt like Fred still had work to do. He was still pressing on, fighting the good fight, running the race, and for the kingdom, until his life was brutally cut short.

Every fiber of my being wanted to get revenge. Every part of me wanted the man to come to justice. But I can't keep thinking that way. As I start to think that way, the power of God just overwhelms me, and after I feel His love so strongly I just can't stay angry anymore. I forgive the man. I have moved on. Now, I don't really care what happens to him. All I am concerned about is what we do from here. To this day, I still don't know what happened to him.

I think Alysa and Cassidy described what happened to Fred the best right after he died: (this is paraphrased) "Our daddy is our hero and we hope to be like him one day. We know that today is not Daddy's death day, but his celebration day. We pray that everyone will be comforted and that the man who killed Daddy would come to know Christ as Daddy does." What faith and power coming from little children whose father was
murdered just a few days before! When Cindy told us what they said at the funeral, I cried all over again.

The whole funeral service was so beautiful. There was singing and worshiping, a message, and memories shared all around. At one point, everyone sang "Shout to the Lord" at the top of their lungs, and it was the most moving song I have ever heard. Pastors from other church's came up and shared the Gospel of Christ, exactly what Fred would have wanted them to do.

As I left the funeral two years ago, I experienced some closure. I really came to grips with the fact that he is not coming back. Somehow, the information that he wasn't coming back didn't disturb me. On the contrary, I felt empowered. It is now my turn to step up, my turn to go back to Kirksville and be the shining light that Fred was to Maryville. I am determined now to pick up the slack and follow God and take up the example Fred has laid out for us.

CBS contacted Cindy after they heard about Fred's death and asked for an interview. They did an interview at the church by satellite and you can tell by watching the clip how the lady doing the interview just doesn't understand forgiveness and grace. This interview shows how much of a godly woman Cindy actually is. I have more respect for this woman than any other woman on the planet.

Fred was my first role model and showed me how godly Christian men should be. I didn't know how much I looked up to him until after he moved on. For me, his passing didn't discourage me. Well, it did at first, I'm not going to lie. It felt like one of our major Generals in the Lord's Army had fallen in battle, and one of that great standing could never be replaced. Then it hit me: no, he will never be replaced, but others will step up in his place and grow to become great leaders. He had to step down in order to let the others step up and blossom.

Fred's departure challenged me. It showed me what I am to do. I am prone to discouragement, but Satan will NOT bring me down! I am ready to take up Fred's mantle and serve my God in the field He has placed me with the same passion and fire as the great man who stood before me. I may have lost a great leader, but Fred's life is still living on in us. It is up to us now to see his vision through. I for one will not sit down and keep silent any longer. Fred has taught me to step up and step out: it's time to get our ministry rolling! Thank you Fred, and enjoy your just reward!

Following His Call,
Adam
(2 Timothy 4:7)

Languages

Love has been on my mind a lot lately. (If you haven't read how I have separeated love into different categories, check out my blogpost "Love".) I have recently been blessed a girlfriend, some of my friends have started dating, some of my friends are getting engaged and married, some people are just ticking me off, some people are starting to depress me, and some of my other friends are just downright acting unlovable. So I am learning how to love from all angles--including loving the unlovable. So I thought I would take the time to go through the Love Languages of Gary Chapman in his book The Five Love Languages. (If you don't own a copy, I suggest you read it)


The "In Love" Experience
First, I think it is important to note the difference between love and infatuation. Gary Chapman makes this very clear in his book. He says that normally, people meet, become attracted to each other, and "fall in love". But this form of love is not truly love, it is infatuation. This love will not last, although it feels great when you are in it. Chapman says this love lasts anywhere from 2-5 years on average, but then it wears off. During this time, people normally get married and start having kids... then they wake up one day and realize they "don't love each other anymore". Is it that they don't love or is it that they are no longer infatuated with each other? 


Infatuation is almost a drunk-love: the person is happy and giddy to be around you and will agree with pretty much anything you say. They are blinded by how awesome you are, and you are stupefied by their beauty and wit.Everything seems to go perfect in the "in love" experience, but that love cannot last and must move into a more mature, true love. 


True Mature Love
Mature love is selfless, it seeks the needs of the other before the needs of itself. The first and foremost thing to learn about love is a selfless love: one that gives and doesn't expect anything in return. That is true love. The Bible calls this agape. It is the love of God, given by God, to be spread to the world. This kind of love does not just go to your spouse, but to every person you meet. Love is not limited to a certain group of people, but to everyone. 


Love as a Language
When you first meet someone of a different culture, what is one of the first things you must overcome? Assuming they don't know English and you don't know their language, it would be the language barrier. If you can't communicate well, problems can escalate exponentially without either person knowing what they are doing wrong. To over come this barrier, one of them must learn the other person's language so they don't accidentally offend the other. 


Love is the same way. Surprisingly, not everyone feels love the same way. In Gary Chapman's research, he has found there really are five languages of love. In order for the person you are trying to show love to to hear what you are saying as love, you must speak it in their language. 


As a side note, just like each language has different dialects (i.e. English has Australian, British, and American), each love language has different dialects. Those languages and dialects are described below: 

Words of Affirmation
People in this language need to hear the love. By telling them how much you love them and how awesome they are, they feel the sense that you really care. Encouraging them in what they are doing builds them up and makes them feel confident in themselves. Dialects in this language are encouragement, compliments, second-hand compliment (you bragging on them to other people and then they tell the person), praise, etc. 

Quality Time
People in this language need DIRECTED ATTENTION in conversations. Did you catch the emphasis there? People who need this love language need one-on-one QUALITY time, where you have their full attention, and they have yours. These people just want to be listened to and converse, not just be heard and talked at. Sometimes no words need to be said, just the presence of the other person is enough, as long as the person is there for only you. Dialects include dinner dates, quiet walks, focused activities (running, swimming, shopping, crafting), or just spending time around the house.


Receiving Gifts
People who have this language see objects given to them as symbols of love. Something as simple as a card caries heavy weight to the person receiving it. These gifts need not be expensive, although expensive gifts do speak volumes. One of the most basic gifts someone can give is the gift of time; sacrificing their own time for the other person. The "gift of self" may be to someone one of the most powerful. Dialects include the "gift of self", cards, candy, trinkets, flowers, money, watches, pens, drawings, hand-written letters, dinner, etc. 

Acts of Service
People in this language see small chores as monumental love-gifts. Something as simple as changing a diaper, making dinner, or opening the door can speak volumes to these people. The most important thing to consider is that the action is done happily and WILLINGLY. Obligation to do this does not set well with those who language is Acts of Service. Some dialects include vacuuming the house, taking out the garbage, making lunch, cleaning the car, carrying things, etc.

Physical Touch
People in this love language see the smallest touch as something great. Most people get confused by this language because they think it is only sex. However, sex is only a dialect. Sex is important for all healthy marriages, but for the people whose language is Physical Touch, sex speaks louder to them. Sex is not all in this language, a simple pat on the back, a hug, or a brushing of the arm tells them that you love them. Dialects include sex, hugs, kisses, high-fives, pats on the back, a squeeze of the shoulder, an arm around the shoulder, etc.


Dangers
One final thing to note is that the languages have the opposite effect. Refusing to give one of the above languages can severely hurt the individual. At the same time, speaking one of these languages out of obligation or spite only makes it worse: it is not seen as love but as meaningless. Be careful that you first master true selfless love before you start to practice any of these. 


Test Yourself
Have fun with this! Find out your friend's love languages and start speaking them. Find out your parents and I guarantee your relationship will improve with them (and you may start to understand why they do some of the things they do to you that annoy you.)


So how do you find out? Well, you can take the test here, or you can just ask yourself a few questions: 

• What do my parents do that really tells me they love me?
• What do my parents do that really ticks me off faster than anything? (The opposite of this might be your language.)
• If I had to go without one of the five love languages, which one could I never go without? (i.e. If I never received a physical contact from another human being, would I be ok?) 

Understand we all will feel love in each of the five categories, but one of them should speak louder than the rest. Sometimes, you can be bilingual, and have two that are equally valid. For me, I think I might be bilingual. My top two are Physical Touch and Quality Time. For me, its hard to see what I can go without because my dialect in Physical Touch directly involves Quality Time. So, you can be both. But if I had to pick, Physical Touch. To me, if someone feels comfortable enough around me that they can give me a hug, or pat me on the back, or whatever, that tells me they truly care. 

So what is your love language? Let me know, I'm curious. That way, I can start speaking it to you. God bless!

Following His Call,

Adam

(1 Corinthians 13:1)