Unworthy

Hey everyone!

Today, as I was sitting on the couch with my girlfriend, I just started thinking about life, and how amazing it really is. As my mind began to wander, I received a text message from a good friend of mine, asking me a few questions. His questions made me think even more about my life and how unbelievably blessed it has been.

My girlfriend was first on my mind--considering she was the closest in proximity to me. God has given me the most amazing, beautiful, wonderful, splendiferous girlfriend on the planet! How did I ever get a girl like her?! I am so unworthy, and she deserves so much better than me! Yet, she chose me; she chose to date me rather than any other guy. Me, of all people!

Why? I'm not that special. I'm really a nobody, I have nothing special or extremely likable about me. Honestly, when I see myself, I don't see any one thing that stands out that I can attach myself to (which is probably a good thing). I'm not an artist, I don't play any instruments well, I'm not a profound writer or blogger, and I do alright at public speaking. I don't play sports, I do descent in school, and I'm really not all that creative. I don't do that well in video games, I'm not charismatic (in fact, most of the time I come off as annoying), and I'm definitely not a genius by any stretch of the imagination. So why me? Why did she pick me?

My thoughts drifted away from my amazing girlfriend (who I don't deserve) and onto other parts of my life. My parents, although they have their flaws and are not perfect, are probably some of the best parents any child could ask for. They really taught me what true family was about: loving each other unconditionally, regardless of what happens, and regardless of distance or communication. My parents, although we don't get to talk as much (mostly that's my fault, because I'm a busy, lazy son), I still know how much they love me, although we don't always communicate it to the best of our ability. I couldn't have asked for better parents.

My brother is so special to me too. I have been blessed with a prodigy as a brother. For years we fought and argued, trying to kill each other when we could get the chance. But something changed the past few years. Now, we have become best friends. I'm so proud of him, more than he will ever know. The man can play pretty much any instrument, sing, dance, conduct, write music, act, sing and act at the same time, and bake. Not to mention he is a freakin' genius! He's smarter than I will ever be. And I'm just blown away that he is my bro.

My thoughts then drifted to my friends. For years, I had a weird expectation of what friends were supposed to be. It took God opening my eyes to see what true friends are. He has blessed me with the most amazing friends around. I have so many different friends from all walks of life, spread all across this continent. I have friends in Alaska, Minnesota, Illinois, Missouri, Florida, Texas--all over the place! I even have friends in China, India, Germany, and somewhere in Africa. God has surrounded me with some great foundation-friends--those who keep me grounded and remind me of who I am and where I came from. I have another awesome support group of friends up here in college who are my life-line. Without any of them, I would just be defeated and depressed most of the time.

Not only has God blessed me with so many external things, but also with many things I am only beginning to learn about myself. I may not be a genius, but I am fairly intelligent (I mean, I do go to Truman, that has to count for something). I am not charismatic, but at least people don't hate me. I am not that funny, but I can throw out a joke here and there. I don't play an instrument now, but at least I'm not tone deaf and can read a staff.

The point is, God has built me EXACTLY how He wanted me to be. My body, my mind, my spirit, my talents, my thoughts, my ideas: all His perfect design. He designed every part of me and created me in His image. I have the image of God in me! But not only that, but His Spirit is living in me as well! This is so exciting! Such a wonderful revelation!

Am I living up to that revelation? Have I been a good steward of what God has built into me? Have I been grateful for what He has? Have I been taking the time to just thank Him and getting to know Him better?

Lately, I have been seeing His blessings more and more. This revelation has been putting my life into perspective, seeing my place in the world. I'm nobody special, but I am special in God's eyes. I may not be talented by the world's perspective, but God designed me with the exact skill set I have for His purpose.

The point is, through all of this, I have found that I am really nothing. There is nothing special about me. Anything anyone sees that is good all comes from God. Honestly, when I look at my life, and I see my thoughts, and I hear those thoughts in my own mind, and they scare me. Deep down, I am not a good person. I am not likable, not praiseworthy, nothing. I am disgusting underneath. But God has saved me, He has called me to a higher calling, he has given me purpose. Now, I live my life for Him. All the good you see is all Him. I can finally say that with certainty and confidence now, humbled at who He is. I am so unworthy of all He has given me.

Are you taking Him for granted?

Following His Call,
Adam
(1 Timothy 1:15-16)