Lately, Satan and his demons have really been at work. For the first time in a long time, I haven't felt the spiritual warfare weighing down my life. I don't know it that is a good thing or bad thing; it is kinda making me uncomfortable. For the past two and a half years, I have really been feeling the struggle of spiritual warfare, and now it has suddenly stopped. I don't know if I am being protected or what, but I kinda express my previous year's discontent in Curse (if you haven't read it yet). Yet through the past few years, I have been listening to the Spirit through it all, and although life may suck at times, and although I may feel like I am just a screwed up guy, God is still in control and He still loves me. He wants me to have an abundant, joyful life through the pain.
But living life through the pain is hard. I've had seasons of depressing where I just didn't want to do anything but stay in my room and play games and watch movies in my pajamas. Living a joyful, Spirit filled life is not easy; we can't just call joy up on demand. We can't just take a "Joy Pill" and it will all be better. It seems like we are constantly at war with everything: the world, people in the world who hate us, stress, emotion, loss. Satan and his demons want nothing more than to tear us down. I have see this recently so much more than before.
I've discovered in my own life that when Satan can't seem to bring me down anymore--because I'm tired of listening to his lies or following the path he wants me to go down--he starts pointing out the pain my friends are feeling. I love my friends dearly, more than they will ever know. I try my best to restore friendships, reconcile lost relationships, and maintain those I already have. I will do ANYTHING for my friends; and Satan knows this. Instead of attacking me directly, he starts distracting me, and weighing me down with the feelings of my friends.
Although I am a Thinker by nature (I'm an E0TJ if you don't know.), I am also have deep emotions running through me. Most people wouldn't know that because I hide it so well. My emotions are so strong at times that I can't seem to control them, so I hide them away and don't let anyone see them. Despite my efforts to hide them, they are still there, buried underneath, waiting on me to pull them out when I need them.
Satan knows this, so he plays in that stream of emotions, forcing them out of me and making me feel different things that I don't want to feel. I ignore them most of the time, but when I start hearing the problems of my friends I lose it. My affections and connections to people are stronger than I would like to admit, so when they hurt, I hurt. When they cry, I cry. When they rejoice, I rejoice. My emotional streams are connected to theirs in a bond that is near impossible to break.
Recently, Satan has been attacking many of my friends, playing with their stream of emotions that are linked to mine. With them, I have experienced intense jealousy, deep depression, fiery rage, and even demonic activity. I see my friends hurting, and it tears me up inside! I want so desperately to take it all away from them, to just have me carry it all and never let them experience pain again. I hate seeing my friends hurting! It breaks my heart to know they are going through all this.
Yet, I am incapable of taking the pain away. As much as I love them and as much as I want to help, I am worthless. I can't do anything. But I know someone who can: the same Man that took away all my pain and all my shame: Jesus Christ. That Man is the only one who can take away their pain. Although we may not have a "Joy Pill" to ease all our pain, we do have something much greater: a loving Savior who has come down to earth just to be with us and love us so desperately, with a reckless, crazy love that can only be described as divine.
Jesus is our Joy Pill. Only He can give us joy through the pain. As much as I want to take it away and can't I discovered I am not totally worthless. Even though I myself can't take the pain, I have the One who can living inside my heart, and He can take the pain.
Satan may want to tear me apart by revealing how much pain my friends are in, but I will NOT let him! He may want to try to bring me to despair, but my God is bigger than he will ever be! So I'm going to start praying. Hard. I know I can't make a change, but thank God, I am friend with the One who can! Its time to start getting on my knees and praying for this lost, dying, and hurting world. Who's with me!?
Following His Call,